Best Competition Answer EVER!
Cornwalls coolest were giving away one of the last tickets for the MASKED BALL 2010 and the other one was going to be given away at Boogtique dot com who gave away our first ticket. Slut Clothing have given one away too. However Boogtique will not be giving away THE LAST MASKED BALL TICKET for 2010 because during the Cornwalls Coolest competition we received this answer. Now we are not in the game of giving away freebies willy nilly but if your read on you will understand where a little bit of grovelling and loads of creativity can get you…. MB xx (he got the answer wrong by the way)
Q: How long has the Masked Ball been running?
I’m not really sure but I’m going to guess at three years. 2008, 2009, 2010.
I would love this ticket. Like really like it. I know what you’re thinking..
“Why didn’t you buy one”. I would have. I would have camped overnight. But
bank account said no. Not only did it say no it charged me £25 for going
over my overdraft to rub it in.
It was an awful time. I had to make post-modern art from the ear wax of
prisoners just to pay for petrol.
And then I thought I had it all sorted…
I had finally put the finishing touches for a design for a 100% authentic
earwax replica of a punk-pigeon (a pigeon with a mohican. Imagine) which
would have brought in the precious £25 I needed. Sadly the prison was sent a
free shipment of ear buds and my plans were scuppered. The prisoners loved
it. A Scouse one loved. “Sound,” he said.
Undeterred I offered my liver on ebay only for it to be rejected due its
So here I am…
On my knees in front of a laptop,
Hands clasped together, praying to god. (I don’t feel the need to remind you
that god is a dj, and that god wants me to dance).
Im tyyuopimg wikgth mny tgongue rrigbhhgt nnhow.
Enough.. I could go on for ever about why I should win this competition but
I’m trying to make a figurine of torvil and dean from the semen of a hundred
frogs (which I collected myself) so I can raise a lil cash to buy a couple
of tickets on the black market.
Feel free to ring me. Just for a chat. My number is 07*********5. My names is
Sam Lynas. WE ARE FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK.
I’ll leave you with this:
When my mother brought me into this world on Christmas Eve 1987 she held me
in her arms and declared:
“In 8,164* days you will be in a George from Asda suit, having the greatest
night of your life. You may have thought the greatest moment of your life
was on day 8,029 when the scouse prisoner unknowingly and unironically said
“sound” to denote both what he was hearing and his pleasure at this fact,
however there is better to come. At certain points at the masked ball you
will think you’re dying and at certain points you will feel happy enough to
do so, however throughout the event there will be a tangible sense that you
have Cornwalls Coolest to thank for it all and you will spend the rest of
your working life providing your best writing for their website. You are
their matrix and they are your oracle.”
*This is correct. I counted – leap years n’all – with the matches I’m using
to make a full scale model of Keith Chegwin. After all, that suit from
George aint gunna pay for itself.
So look out for some geezer in an ASDA suit with a fuck off great smile on his face! And give him a slap for being so tight, then hug him for being almost brilliant.